So I’d like to talk about recreational marijuana today. I understand the Jersey bill finally passed, enabling the legal sale of recreational herbs to persons ages twenty-one and over. Got to say, I’m surprised it took until election year 2020 to accomplish this, considering Jersey’s blueness. In any case, at long last, a new, super lucrative cash crop for the Garden State. I’m so excited for Jersey.
With that said, it’s a shame to think the stay-home COVID lifestyle probably won’t overlap with this new freedom. By the time the head shops actually go up, we will probably be getting back to a vaccinated, business-as-usual life without masks and distancing. A bit of a shame, to me. Considering our social limitations, we really could use this to manage the stir-craziness right now.
Marijuana would turn that stir-crazy button off in a second. Think about it; no one wants to be social when they’re stoned. After a joint, bong rip, dab, or however you like to do it—we all want to sink into the couch with a good snack and stream when we’re stoned. Legalized pot is the chaser we need to go with distancing, sheltering in place, etc. If not for the sake of managing COVID and an isolated life, at least for one’s own nerves after the last couple months’ political dramas. Between the election, the recounts, and seditious acts at the Capitol, I feel that many can benefit from a strong edible. And certainly, I feel the president could use one or three.
I was in the shower earlier thinking about what I would say to Donald if given the chance—well, first of all, I would have to be having a great day. If I was in a bad mood I probably wouldn’t care to be in the same room as the man. However, if I sat down with him for a cup of coffee, man to man, mono e mono, this is what I’d say (and preferably, after I’ve managed to sedate him with a strong gummy)—
“Don, look. You’ve just finished a term as president. And, well, it wasn’t great. You and I can’t change that. And no matter what your intentions were before or during your presidency, those four years are done. You can’t get them back. Not only that, you won’t be able to get another four years, because several politicians voted to impeach you. So what I’d prefer you to do is not lose perspective. Few can say they’ve been an American president, Don. But you can. It’s a big-ass accomplishment. So my advice? Sell all of your assets, settle your issues with the IRS, and slip casually into your emeritus years. Seriously. Get rid of Mar-a-Lago, all the towers, write a memoir, golf, but just pack it all in. The world is very burnt out by you. Certainly, the United States could use a real big break.”
Until tomorrow.